Friday, December 30, 2005

feeling around in the dark

It happened after a night of bowling and heavy drinking. A new year's celebration but it wasn't new year's. Couch, cold, morning sun, had to go home to recover. Standing in the hall, the conversation between Sean's mum and my mum was knifing through my head. I was resting on a bench, wanting water and silence, but before I could leave I had to tie my laces. Bent over to find my shoes and fell over into blackness. Apparently, just before I left, I went "la-la-la-la" .. Maybe I was thinking blah-blah-blah, this conversation is blocking my escape. I hit my head when I fell over, and left this place for twenty seconds.

Une episode de evanouir. It felt like nothing felt. The nausea hit fast, maybe a second or two of intense ordered thoughts like “must vomit! must exit to vomit.” and then a levitating light-headedness.. like when you get punched in the stomach, but in the head instead. After a brief second of that I remember falling, and that perfect surround of blackness before I came to, coughing and sucking in the air for the first time in so long. Nothing felt so real as my lungs and heart pumping again, the circuits in my head turning on and my soul tuning in, out. I even remember waking up and my mother was cradling my head, a good image.

So my head was fluttering in and out, and though it was violent, the breathing was wonderful.
They said my eyes went back into sockets.